5 Busyness

Ironically, this chapter almost got left out of the guidebook. Why? Because I’m too busy to write it. Sound familiar? I have a manuscript deadline and the work keeps getting piled on. And yet, in my heart of hearts, I knew I needed to write at least a few words about busyness and how it can be used as an avoidance strategy that I know only too well. Note that I didn’t call this section success, or productivity, or results —it’s busyness. We keep ourselves busy to avoid things we don’t want to think about or deal with. Busyness also helps us project the image that we’re successful and sought after. After all, why else would we be so busy?

What’s the problem with busyness and why is the behavior self-limiting? First off, it’s exhausting. Just like control, it is exhausting to be busy all the time. Of course, there are always external factors in play. During final exam time, I am busy. But I know that after exams, and grading, comes a much-needed break. I can sustain a busy schedule knowing a break is in sight. Yet many professions, such as motherhood, don’t have that luxury. It was a rude awakening when I realized that to my newborn, a weekend was just another day and there was no break for mom. I can’t help but think that with all the busyness and frenetic activity, we will wear ourselves out and burn out before we achieve our dreams.

It’s like running. I used to run for fun and exercise. And let’s be honest here—I call what I do, running; my women students who are D1 NCAA competitive track team members would politely call what I do jogging on a fast day, and fast walking on a typical day. But nonetheless, I would lace up my Nikes and hit the pavement. The only way I made it to the end of a run or race was by pacing myself. If I went full out at the beginning, I had no energy left to finish. The same holds true for busyness. Unless you’re planning on dying young, life is a marathon, not a sprint. Busyness wears us out before we can make it to the finish line.

A second problem with busyness is how distracting it is. One of the wisest women I know would constantly chide me about going down rabbit holes when I would tell her all the projects I was work on. She was wise enough to see through my façade. By getting sucked into a myriad of projects—all of which were good, but time consuming, and not my calling—I stayed busy and unproductive. All that busyness accomplished was to distract me from my North Star—my true calling and what I should be working on. Why did I let these busy distractors in my life? Because sometimes pursuing a passion or calling is hard. It is painful and it hurts, but you know that’s where you’re supposed to be. And busyness gives you a temporary escape.

Finally, busyness can make you sick. Literally sick. We were not designed to work 24/7. We were designed to rest. In fact, it’s one of the Ten Commandments. Like “fear not” we haven’t gotten that message either. Yet I did not model rest well for my daughters and I suspect I’m not the only mom who failed at that one. Back in the day, the only time I would rest is when I got sick. That’s right. I would push myself so relentlessly that my body would finally give up and I would find myself flat on my back in bed sick. After way too many years of pushing myself to illness, I finally decided enough. I have to learn to rest and let go of the busyness.

The really dangerous thing about keeping busy all the time is that it is a socially acceptable approach to denial. We tend to respect, admire, even idolize people who seem to be busy all the time. We hesitate to approach them because “she’s so busy” (which is another reason why I am easily seduced by busyness) and they are able to remain isolated—feeding into another self-limiting behavior. I must admit, I continually struggle with this self-limiting behavior and probably always will. Why? Because the high-achieving people I hang around are all busy. Granted, none would have achieved greatness without a lot of hard work. But hard work taken to the extreme becomes busyness, and I’m surrounded by it all the time.

When I find myself lapsing into busyness and feeling nervous that I might have a block of time with nothing scheduled (oh no, I will have to intentionally think about what I’m doing instead of blindly staying busy) I remind myself of my focus. It took me a while to declare—to myself and to the world—what issues were important to me, but once I made that determination, managing my time and focus were simplified. While I should have known a long time ago that my passion was teaching and empowering women, it took me a long time, a lot of rabbit holes, and way too many years where I spread myself way too thin, before I realized the value of focus. Now, when faced with decisions about getting involved, I ask myself, is it related to students or empowering women? If the answer is no, I decline. The result is that I am happier, healthier, and able to make a bigger impact in the selected areas I have chosen.

Meanwhile, I got to run. I would like to write more, but no time. Multiple deadlines are looming. And yes, I’ve still not mastered letting go of busyness.