Women Supporting Women—What’s a Fan Girl?

“If your dream only includes you, it’s too small” Ava Duvernay

Everyone needs a fan club, so let’s get out there and find your fan girls. What do I mean??? The term “fan girls” comes from a keynote address by Ava Duvernay, Hollywood film director, at the Pennsylvania Women’s Conference.

If you are not familiar with Ava Duvernay and her work, let me offer a brief introduction. She is the director of the Academy Award nominated film Selma and the film When They See Us among other films. Her directing success is no small feat given the atmosphere in Hollywood. One would think that, after winning national awards for her directing and an Emmy nomination for her work, she would have projects flocking to her. Nope. She reports that she still struggles to get her movies made. Not only is she a woman in a predominately male industry, where women are all too often dismissed as eye candy, she is also a woman of color. I cannot fathom how she leads under those conditions. Talk about resilience. She has earned my utmost respect and the respect of others in the industry.

In her keynote address, she talked about how she managed to be successful in Hollywood and she told stories about her fan girls. While in Hollywood, she watched how the boys worked and she noticed that they created their own informal support clubs. The boys were quick to point out the success of those in their club, which served two purposes. One, it meant the boys didn’t have to brag on themselves—someone else was bragging on them—and second, it made others, outside the group, aware of the good things the boys were doing. Good idea.

She adopted this approach and found her own fan girls. Fan girls are your buddies who will brag about you to others—so you don’t have to—and will speak out about all the great stuff you are doing. And of course, each fan girl supports the others, so everyone is recognized. Fan girl support allows someone else to talk about your accomplishments—while you talk about her accomplishments—so no one has to brag or come across as arrogant. I see it as women supporting women.

Why Do We Need Fangirls?

Why are fan girls so important? I had a friend who studied communication and we spent a lot of time together at parks, playgrounds, and sporting events while our children were little. She insisted that women did themselves a great disservice when they cut out quilting bees. For you youngsters out there, a quilting bee is when women gather and sew together patches of cloth to make quilts. These patches were given as gifts or sold for charity. Whoa! Hold up.

The value of the quilting bees was the socialization the women experienced while sewing. Yes, they were doing something productive. I have a hard time doing anything that isn’t productive. As we all know women maximize productivity as a survival mechanism. But more important, the activity provided an excuse to commiserate about the weather, men, their children, and solve world problems. As a result of the quilting bees, the women realized they were not alone in their struggles or their mistakes. They knew other women were dealing with the same issues that impacted them. While talking may not necessarily solve the problem, knowing that you’re not alone certainly helps.

What happened when women went to work outside the home? We had no time for extracurriculars such as socializing. Forget quilting bees. Women were working two jobs—one at the office and one at home. We became isolated and had no time or energy to socialize with other like-minded women. This must stop.

My Fan Girl Story

So how did this play out in my life? I spent way too many long hours working independently: partly because there were so few women in business and academia when I started my career. And partly because I put in long hours to achieve success or avoid failure. When I was hired in my current position fifteen years ago, there was only one other woman in my department and it stayed that way for years. Fortunately for us, we became fast friends and navigated the predominately male department together. But even with two of us, it was a lonely venture, and we were easily outvoted or overlooked.

Eventually, more women joined our ranks. So, my colleague and I organized occasional lunches or coffee catch-ups with a few other women in our organization that we both liked. Were we scared to issue the lunch invitation? H—, yes. We’re both introverts. And I’m afraid of rejection. What if no one comes? But I’ve also practiced resilience and, in this environment, the job required it. We found our courage and did it anyway. None of us knew each other well when we started organizing the lunches. But we knew the fan club was worth the sacrifice of time and we got to know each other better. Yes, I know. I’m telling you to get a small group of women together for lunch. How simplistic. I agree. In some ways it sounds so obvious that it’s not worth mentioning. But these fan girl lunches have made huge impacts on each of us fan girls and our organization.

“You can tell the strong women in the room because they’re the ones lifting everyone else up”

Women Supporting Women

In some ways, nothing dramatic changed. We all had a good time chatting about everything under the sun. But in another sense, everything changed. Because now, the four of us had a network of women who had our backs. While we tried—albeit many times unsuccessfully—to not gossip, or put others down, topics or individuals would surface. Like the “me too” movement dramatically highlighted, it was not unusual for us to suddenly recognize the same person or policy that was making all of our lives difficult. While the realization of the common problem didn’t change the issue, we appreciated it was not just us, and we were not alone. We supported each other.

Fan Girls Intentionally Support Each Other

Without even realizing it, we started promoting each other so that none of us had to self-promote. For example, when a new woman joins our organization, our fan girls club invites her to lunch. Instead of going around the table and introducing yourself—how awkward is that?!? and if you’re like me, I never know what to say—we would talk about the other women at the table. I’d mention that Dianne has a dual degree in marketing and design. And then continue on. “She is so creative in the classroom—I love looking at her beautiful breathtaking slides. And if you ever need a consultant, you need to talk to Dianne. She directs our capstone project and the work her students produce is better than much of the work I’ve seen from consultants…” Then Roseann would talk about me. “If you need sales, Jane started….” By the time we’re done talking about each other, the newbie is convinced she’s lunching with a dream team. And she is. 😊 And all of us feel good because we built each other up: proving the strength in having women colleagues.

Fan Girls Hang Together to Support Change

The value and power of my fan girls further hit home when I was on a search committee to select a high-ranking university administrator. Despite the misogynistic leanings of a former administrator, my department had made great strides in supporting women’s initiatives and my fan girls and I did not want to lose that momentum. Fast forward to the final stages of the selection process, with two candidates remaining. One of the candidates made it clear she supported women’s initiatives. However, the second candidate could care less about “the girls in advising”: his words, not mine. Prior to meeting with the final decision-maker, all organization members were asked to complete surveys ranking final candidates. I was panicked. I had spent a lot of time with both candidates and knew the fate of women would hinge upon this decision. Truth be told, I was looking towards the door if the latter candidate was selected. What to do? I called my fan girls—expressed my concern, and asked them to fill out the survey forms which were public. They did. And the decision-maker read the comments—including the anonymous opinions of the fan girls. The fan girls’ opinions tipped the decision in our favor, and the candidate that supported women was offered and accepted the position. I held my breath until the candidate assumed the position. And I’ll go to my grave believing that the fan girls’ votes made the difference.

No Mean Girls Allowed

You don’t have to like them, and you don’t have to agree with them, but you have to support them.

Keep in mind the purpose of fan girls is a positive one—women helping women. We do not want to be mean girls. Nor do we bash men. So, as our fan club has evolved, we’ve expanded our reach. The core fan girl group still gets together. But more often, we include more women and our numbers are growing. Do I like everyone in the expanded group? The answer, still no. And I’m sure some of the women don’t like me either. But that’s not the point. We support each other. How often do we get together? Who knows? Who cares? It’s whatever anyone feels like at the time. But we are committed to supporting each other.

We also recognize that it is especially lonely for women at the top of predominately male industries, so we make it a habit of inviting high ranking women in the community to join us for lunch. Many times, their schedule doesn’t allow it, but the women appreciate the invitation. This way women leaders know they have a fan club of women they can trust supporting them.

Final Fan Girls Thoughts

Can I quantify the impact the fan girls have made on careers and organizations? No. I’m not even sure I can explain it accurately, because when women get together something magical happens. And I have felt the magic. We all have. Knowing I have fan girls who support me and who I support, means I’m no longer in it alone. And that gives me confidence and courage to move forward. Find your fan girls. Now.