Resilience Strategies—Time Perspective

Full disclosure. I struggle with this strategy. I am not a naturally optimistic person. Probably one of the reasons I work with salespeople is because I love their optimism. Have you ever met a depressed salesperson? Probably not. Because if you are a Debby Downer, you will never make it in the world of sales. No customer wants to be around a depressed salesperson. They want to be with salespeople who are positive, likable, and fun to be around.

Unfortunately, I tend to be pessimistic by nature. Only through practice and desperation have I learned to be more optimistic than is natural to me. Turns out students don’t like to be around pessimistic people either and part of attracting students to class is endless optimism. If left to my own thoughts, I can imagine everything that can go wrong and fully expect it to do so. It is a challenge for me to stay positive. And staying positive while things are not going well is an even bigger struggle. But this strategy has proven to be effective in teaching me, and my students, to be resilient and confident in the moment instead of feeling defeated and failed.

The strategy of “staying positive in the process” requires you to stop those negative, self-defeating thoughts while you’re in the moment and instead, be optimistic that you can do this. For example, take me and technology. Face it—given my age and aptitude, technology and I do not get along. My school IT department sees me as job security—as long as I’m around, they will have jobs because I am so inept at technology that I desperately need their help. So, you can imagine what happened when the powers-that-be decided to switch our learning platform from Blackboard to Canvas. I was just finally getting comfortable—and competent—using Blackboard and we switched to Canvas. Are you kidding me?!? My first encounters with Canvas were less than successful and, truth be told, much of that was my fault. Instead of being creative and looking at the platform as a different learning tool, I chose to grumble and complain that it was too hard to learn. Once I reframed the challenge from an “I will never be able to learn this” perspective, to a “it’s good for me to learn new things,” adapting to Canvas became easier. Staying positive in the process with an I-can-do-this mentality made the learning process easier. Staying stuck in the this-is-impossible mindset made the learning painstakingly frustrating.

The key to using this strategy is having the wherewithal to execute it while you’re in the process of failing. Instead of giving into the I’m-never-going-to-make-it or I-can’t-do this mindset, you instead give yourself a little internal pep talk and remind yourself that you can do this. Make no mistake, it takes self-control to stay positive in the process because it’s so much easier to just give up. But with practice, you will learn to stay positive.

One example when a student used this strategy effectively is a seemingly minor incident, but it’s one that resonated with me. The student and her friends were meeting for dinner and she had the perfect (there’s that word again!) place in mind. Unfortunately for her, her friends wanted a different restaurant and she was unable to persuade them to change their vote. So, she failed to get the restaurant of her choice and instead found herself stuck eating at a different place. I’ve been there and it’s not pretty. Instead of being grateful that I am eating out with my friends, I usually brood the entire evening about not getting my choice and, if possible, try to make others as miserable as possible as punishment for not choosing my restaurant. Clearly, I’m not my best self in this moment. Instead of behaving like me, and insisting on having a miserable time, my student chose to stay positive in the process. She writes about how she focused on her gratitude toward her friends, the warm conversation, and the time they were able to spend together. By staying positive throughout the evening, she reports that she enjoyed herself and actually had a good time. The restaurant choice was irrelevant. And yes, she got an A on her resilience paper.

While that is a seemingly minor incident with minimal consequences, my students and I have employed this strategy during events with more significant consequences. A former president of Lindner Women in Business, the premier student organization for women, and I, made a proposal to our acting dean. We were proposing the creation of a space in the business building dedicated to women. When it was time to meet with the dean, a man of course, we were ready. My former student had created a Prezi slide deck and I had the script, so we started our presentation. As the presentation progressed, I kept watching the dean for his reaction. Nothing. He wasn’t smiling, he wasn’t nodding his head, and he wasn’t asking questions. With my typical pessimistic perspective, I quickly assumed that he hated us, he hated our idea, and he wanted us out of his office. That negative, self-defeating (note that the dean had not yet said a word) mindset was ready to spell defeat even if it wasn’t correct.

To his credit, and I will always be grateful to him for this moment, he stopped the presentation, and told us about his processing style. He is a thinker—no surprise given his economic academic background—who processes information slowly and intentionally. He warned us to not interpret his lack of questions as a negative assessment; he was processing the information. His interruption allowed me to refocus and stay positive in the process. We still had a chance of getting his approval and my negative, self-defeating thoughts were inappropriate. We finished our proposal with questions and accolades from not only the acting dean, but from the associate dean as well. In the end, we didn’t get the space we wanted. But the dean was impressed with our proposal and gave it serious consideration. I’m glad I stayed positive and didn’t give into defeat.

My students used this strategy successfully in group job interviews and at career fairs. One student wrote about being in a job interview with a prestigious Fortune 500 company. The interview began with everyone going around the circle and introducing themselves and the university they attend. No surprise. She found herself surrounded by Ivy League students, and students from reputable Big Ten business schools. While I like to think of the University of Cincinnati as the Harvard of the Midwest, most people would disagree, and my student could feel her confidence shrinking with each student’s introduction. And this was just the beginning of the interview. Instead of giving into the self-defeating negative thoughts, she decided to stay positive in the process. She reminded herself that she had earned the right to be at the interview. If this company hadn’t wanted her, or didn’t think she was capable, they wouldn’t have invited her. She decided she was as good as anyone else and stayed positive. This story does have a happy ending. There were twelve job candidates and two job offers: one of which went to my student. Cha-ching. Way to go.

Another student used this strategy at a career fair. I don’t know your experience at career fairs, but I can tell you that for reasons beyond my control, many of the women in my class are terrified to attend. Side note: My students are required to attend the Sales Expo career fair because, if it wasn’t required, they would not go. They would miss out on the internships, co-ops, and jobs that are available. At least once a semester I receive a thank you note from a student who landed a great internship at a career fair that she would not have attended had it not been required. To help my women students get over their fear of attending a career fair, we practice introductions, and develop questions to ask recruiters. We even have a mock career fair in class to practice career fair strategy and build their confidence. In spite of all that, students are nervous about attending.

Imagine the mindset of a student who was basically ignored by the first recruiter she spoke to at the career fair. She didn’t want to go, was nervous about going, and the first person she talked to basically brushed her aside to speak with someone else. Talk about feeling like a failure. As she writes in her resilience paper, she was ready to quit and go home. But then she remembered this resilience strategy—stay positive in the process. She reminded herself that only one recruiter didn’t want to talk with her and that there were thirty-five other recruiters who did. She put a smile on her face and, instead of walking out the door, she went to the next booth. This story ends on a happy note as well. She was offered an internship at the event. Without the resilience she needed to bounce back after the first failure, she never would have had the confidence and courage to try again. And it worked.

In a group meeting where everyone is presenting ideas, it can be natural to generate unfavorable comparisons and feel inadequate. It may be OK to have those thoughts after the meeting, but during the meeting it is essential to stay positive and remind yourself that you have earned your right to be there, and you have a right to be heard. If trying a new task (technology), the process goes smoother if you focus on the benefits of learning a new tool instead of complaining about how much you hate technology. Stay positive in the process.