27 Revising the Comparison and Contrast

This section will lead you through the guidelines for revising comparison and contrast essays in reference to two samples: another student’s essay and your own essay. Revising is often much easier to do with someone else’s writing, which is why we will begin with a writing sample from another student. If you can see some of the strengths and weaknesses in this essay, you might be able to identify areas for improvement in your own writing.

Student Sample Essay

Thesis Statement

Does the thesis statement contain the essay’s controlling idea and an opinion about that idea?

Does the thesis appear as the last sentence of the introduction?

1. Put brackets around the last sentence in the introduction paragraph. Does it contain the author’s main point?

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2. Rewrite the thesis statement if necessary, so that it states the author’s main point and introduces the topics.

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Basic Elements

Does the title draw in the readers?

 Does the introduction capture the reader’s attention and build up effectively to the thesis statement?

 Does each body paragraph deal with a single topic?

 Does the conclusion bring the essay to a close in an interesting way?

1. Give the essay an alternate title.

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2. Rewrite the introduction so that it captures the reader’s attention and builds up to the thesis statement at the end of the paragraph.

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3. Does each of the body paragraphs deal with only one topic?

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4. Rewrite the conclusion.

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Development

Do the body paragraphs adequately support the thesis statement?

 Does each body paragraph have a focused topic sentence?

 Does each body paragraph contain specific details that support the topic sentence?

 Does each body paragraph include enough details to fully explain the topic sentence?

1. Write out the thesis statement (revised, if necessary), and list the three topic sentences below it.

Thesis Statement: _______________________________________________

Topic 1: _________________________________________________________

Topic 2: _________________________________________________________

Topic 3: _________________________________________________________

2. Do the topic sentences adequately support the thesis statement?

3. Does each body paragraph have a focused topic sentence?

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4. Do the details adequately characterize both cats and dogs?

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5. Where do you need more information?

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6. Make two of the details more specific.

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7. Add at least two new details to make the comparison clearer.

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Unity

 Do the essay’s topic sentences relate directly to the thesis statement?

 Do the details in each body paragraph support the paragraph’s topic sentence?

1. Read each of the topic sentences, with the thesis statement (revised, if necessary) in mind. Do they go together?

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2. Revise the topic sentences if necessary so they are directly related.

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3. Drop or rewrite any of the sentences in his body paragraphs that are not directly related to their topic sentences.

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Organization

 Is the essay organized logically?

 Is each body paragraph organized logically?

1. Read the essay again to see if all the paragraphs are arranged logically.

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2. Reverse the two paragraphs that are out of order.

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3. Look closely at the body paragraphs to see if all the sentences are arranged logically within paragraph.

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4. Move any sentences that are out of order.

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Coherence

 Are transitions used effectively so that paragraphs move smoothly and logically from one to the next?

 Do the sentences move smoothly and logically from one to the next?

1. Add two transitions to the essay.

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2. Circle five synonyms the author uses in the essay.

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3. Explain how two of these synonyms make the essay easier to read.

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Revising Your Own Essay

Thesis Statement

 Does the thesis statement contain the essay’s controlling idea and an opinion about that idea?

Does the thesis appear as the last sentence of the introduction?

1. What main point are you trying to make in your essay?

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2. Put brackets around the last sentence in your introduction. Does it contain your main point?

____________________________________________________________

3. Rewrite your thesis statement if necessary, so that it states your main point and introduces your topics.

____________________________________________________________

Basic Elements

 Does the title draw in the readers?

 Does the introduction capture the reader’s attention and build up effectively to the thesis statement?

 Does each body paragraph deal with a single topic?

 Does the conclusion bring the essay to a close in an interesting way?

1. Give your essay a title if it doesn’t have one.

_____________________________________________________________

2. Does your introduction capture your readers’ attention and build up to your thesis statement at the end of the paragraph?

_____________________________________________________________

3. Does each of your body paragraph deal with only one topic?

_____________________________________________________________

Development

 Do the body paragraphs adequately support the thesis statement?

 Does each body paragraph have a focused topic sentence?

 Does each body paragraph contain specific details that support the topic sentence?

 Does each body paragraph include enough details to fully explain the topic sentence?

1. Write out your thesis statement (revised, if necessary), and list your topic sentences below it.

Thesis statement: _________________________________________

Topic 1: ___________________________________________

Topic 2: ____________________________________________

Topic 3: _____________________________________________

2. Does your topics adequately support your thesis statement?

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3. Does each body paragraph have a focused topic sentence?

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4. Do you cover the same characteristics of both topics?

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5. Where do your readers need more information?

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6. Make two of your details more specific.

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7. Add at least two new details to make your comparison clearer.

__________________________________________________________

Unity

 Do the essay’s topic sentences relate directly to the thesis statement?

 Do the details in each body paragraph support the paragraph’s topic sentence?

1. Read each of your topic sentences with your thesis statement in mind. Do they go together?

___________________________________________________________

2. Revise your topic sentences if necessary so they are directly related.

____________________________________________________________

3. Drop or rewrite any of the sentences in your body paragraphs that are not directly related to their topic sentences.

____________________________________________________________

Organization

 Is the essay organized logically?

 Is each body paragraph organized logically?

1. Read your essay again to see if all the paragraphs are arranged logically.

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2. How is your essay organized: the block pattern or the alternating pattern, or a combination of both?

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3. Is the order you chose for your paragraphs the most effective approach to your subject?

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4. Move any paragraphs that are out of order.

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5. Look closely at your body paragraphs to see if all the sentences are arranged logically within paragraphs.

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6. Move any sentences that are out of order.

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 Coherence

 Are transitions used effectively so that paragraphs move smoothly and logically from one to the next?

 Do the sentences move smoothly and logically from one to the next?

1. Add two transitions to your essay.

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2. Circle five synonyms you use.

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3. Explain how two of these transitions make your essay easier to read.

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